I sit and stare at the computer screen.
The last few days a whirlwind: of hoping, waiting, questions, and confusion.
For months I have taken the challenge to study for a specialist exam in my field.
Thursday, March 5th was the day.
As the week progressed, and the weather forecast remained bleak, I began to get anxious, and wondered what am I going to do?
Testing center closed on March 5th.
Countless phone calls and searching.
Though the openings were few, I found one. Praise God.
New Test day: one week from today. Phew.
Today came and went. No exam.
Just an average work day, with lots of snow to give it a twist.
As I sit here and type, I’m tired.
It seems as though the wind in my sails has stilled,
It was as if I was holding my breath, waiting, and all the wind was knocked out of me.
Though the fatigue looms, and I have no capacity to learn new information tonight.
For all the waiting and worry and complaining at times…I’m at peace.
I want to trust that “God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose.”
Anxiety and worry, will not get me anywhere, and in the end will only drain me to the core.
I don’t want circumstances or worry to rule my heart, mind and soul.
I’m learning to trust.
To trust God who has a far better understanding of life’s twists and turns,
And has a far better plan than mine.
Tonight, I take a deep breath, exhale, and say, Thank You Jesus.
Thank you for extra days to study, nights to catch up on sleep, and for the beautiful snow that now covers my world.
A sight that brings restoration to my soul, nearly missed because of anxiety and worry about circumstances that were out of my control…because I just needed to let go and trust.
Just as the snow is a temporary beauty that covers the world around me,
This additional week of waiting will soon lead to a long awaited dream (at least the start of it): exam day.
So for now I will sit and enjoy the beauty of my “snow covered dream.”