I’m a planner, I love numbers, because 2+2 = 4, always. No matter the unknowns in an algebraic equation, there is always a solution.
Life, that’s a another story. Some may say you can predict things with the use of probability, but many things, most things in life cannot be explained away by numbers.
A month ago I felt like I had it under control, I knew where I was going and had a solid plan on how to get there, from the steps I would need to take, how much time and money I would need, etc.
Then, God asked me a question: “Would you be okay if everything changed?”
You might be asking, “God talked to you?” He did and he does, constantly.
I tried to fight it. I argued, this is a dream I’ve had for years, how can you take it away? The more I resisted, the more unsettled I felt. The more I kept trying to inch my way closer and closer to my dream, the worse I felt. Until I surrendered and said “yes, I’m okay if everything changed.”
I logically replayed in my mind my life and asked, when has God ever let me down? When has God ever left me in the dust? When did I ever follow God and it not be the best choice? I couldn’t find a single time that God has not come through.
The moment I said yes, I will let go of this dream, I felt at peace. No more unsettled feelings, no doubts in that moment, a peace that I was right where I’m supposed to be.
Though I’ve tried to think of reasons why I’m not going where I had thought, God reminds me, gently: “Trust me, I’ve got something amazing! Just let go and see what I can do.”
The questions linger: When? Where? Who? How?
I still find myself gripping tight, calculating, planning…and each time a gentle tap on the shoulder. “Let go, trust me, I’ve got this.”